Reasons I Didn’t Shower This Week

Originally posted Thursday June 25th 2009

1. In hopes that this layer of grime will obscure my fair skin.

Today was the dirtiest I’ve been all week. It was hot today and I was wearing a black shirt and flip flops. My feet were filthy, as were part of my calves, since I was wearing capris. I was sweating like crazy and my hair was messy and all kinds of unkempt. But none of that kept the Lebanese cab driver–who had leather interior and NO A/C–from telling me about his hot Italian wife and his Iraqi wife and how if he didn’t have kids, he would take me traveling with him. I thought, For a man with two wives, you really don’t understand women. You’re 15 years older than I am and fat with greasy hair, TWO WIVES and children. Do you really think I’m interested in traveling with you? And then he offered to buy me lunch.Β Blease, blease I bay, no broblem.

No, I’m fine. Thanks. But no. Really, no way. Not even a chance.

It all worked out in the end, though. His meter was broken and initally he wanted 3 dinar to take me downtown because its veddy far and I look rich and all he has is this cab. I insisted on 2.5 because I don’t even have a job, not even a cab! He cleverly dodged that subject with tales of his hard life with his Italy Wife who is veddy byootiful with hair like mine, not red but, how you say? And then he told me all about his shop in Italy and all the money it makes but how his Byootifull Italy Wife drinks and go to disco and this problem because she drink wine and wine and wine too mosh!

When the cab pulled up to my street, he asked, How mosh?

Two and a half I said, handing him a five.

And two and a half it was. πŸ˜€

Maybe next time I’ll go two weeks without washing my face…

2. Easier styling.

I have these bangs that always hang in my right eye, throwing off my depth perception and field of vision and turning me into an utter bloody klutz. Plus, it’s hot over here and so I keep all my hair pulled back and off of my neck. My bangs, though, I usually fix with a barrette. Today, however, I discovered that after a week of oil buildup, the barette was no longer necessary. Awesome.

3. Water is scarce in the Middle East. It’s only a matter of years before wars are faught over water rights and sources, so I’m just doing my part to keep the peace.

4. Oh yeah, and this:

I’ve never had to stand in the shower and worry about falling in the toilet before…

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