I have no internet; I only have a computer.

Originally posted 28 June 2009

28 June 2009

Dear Diary,

Today was great. In our afternoon class, Quteibah, one of my two instructors, taught us all the gruesome ways people could be put to death. By guillotine, decapitation by sword, firing squad, hanging, and a few more methods of decapitation. And I thought the electric chair was inhumane.

This evening, I was pleased to realize that other than the JD and a half that I spent on water and juice, I didn’t spend any money today. Suck it, Taxis!

Also, You may be pleased to find out that I showered yesterday. That makes Two times in three days. Hear that, Guinness? Call me!

I’m in my new apartment now. Hooray! I haven’t seen my roommate in a while though. I wonder where she’s gone off to? I’ll post pictures sometime. First I should take some. It’s about a 20-minute walk to class—downhill this time—and it’s near a main road—op! Speak of the Devil, there’s the roommate! So what was I saying? Oh right, so a downhill walk as opposed to my crazy uphill one in Utah. That’s pretty cool. And I’m just a few houses away from kind of a busy road, but it’s far enough that I’m not bothered by the noise.

Or at least, that’s what I was telling people before I moved in. Last night was my first night here and I was all excited to sleep in my new bed and wouldn’t you know it? HONKING. Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! (pause.) Distant honking. Cheering. HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK. (pause.) Distant honking. Cheering. HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK. For like 45 minutes! And then, right when I thought all was quiet in the night, the clapping began. Clapping, cheering, music—I can’t take these jubilees! What about my beauty sleep?

Luckily, I sleep like I’m intoxicated so when the time came to sleep, sleep came.

So all is well—exceptionally well, really, since I didn’t have to deal with taxis today.

Oo, except for one thing. You know that 30 Rock episode where Liz Lemon is supposed to write something for Jack because Jack needs to impress some people but Liz doesn’t make it to the meeting because she stayed up watching Tootsie with Floyd and so Jack pitches the 3-hour Salute to Fireworks but then his fireworks show scares the crap out of Midtown because fireworks in April in Rockefeller Square? So Geiss takes away his responsibilities as head of Microwave Oven Programming. Yeah, well, that’s sort of how I feel. Like, someone is doing a salute to fireworks but instead of one 3-hour special it’s every freaking night. The mayor really should call Jack Donaghy and get the whole thing shut down because it’s going to freak out all my relatives who don’t need any more convincing that the Middle East is full of mad gunmen bent on enslaving Western civilization.

Hah. Just one more funny thing before I sign off. Straight from that very episode:

Jack: I want you on this, Lemon. Those jokes you wrote for my Mitt Romney fundraiser—they were top notch.

Liz: Those weren’t jokes. That was an appeal for a return to common sense and decency.

Jack: …Well they got big laughs.

Ho man I love that show.

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